Confessions of a Broken Heart
by AshleighAishwarya
Summary: Kyle wants to know where Horatio's been, but Horatio isn't really keen on talking about it. After much persuasion, Horatio does tell him and ends up opening up about losing the people he lost. 2nd H/K oneshot. Enjoy!


Hey all! Ashleigh Aishwarya here with my second H/K fanfic oneshot :) I can definitely say that no one's gonna get hurt or shot in this. Because I think I've done enough of that XD

**Summary:** Kyle wakes up one morning to find that Horatio isn't in. Horatio leaves a note for Kyle saying that he'll be back in the evening. When he does return, Kyle wants to know where he's been, but Horatio isn't really keen on talking about it. After much persuasion, Horatio does tell him, but in the process, ends up opening up about his troubled past, and the people he's lost. Kyle realizes that Horatio may be a tough Lieutenant on the outside, but he's always been vulnerable in the inside.

By the way, this is the link to my second version on a CSI: Miami music video I made about a month ago. After I made this, this was also kinda inspiring to this story so I'd thought I'd share it ;) Same music, but different scenes. .com/watch?v=TM5hxA5heQU

Also, this is dedicated to my inspiration, my partner in crime, my sister, **CSI Haylz**. She's an amazing H/K writer, so please do check her out! :D

**Main Inspiration(s):** CSI Haylz's fanfics, Avril Lavigne "I'm With You" :)

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**CSI: Miami – Horatio & Kyle – "Confessions of a Broken Heart" _by Asheigh148 :)_**

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"_Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?" - RosaParks_

"_I'm looking for a place  
I'm searching for a face  
Is anybody here I know?  
'Cause nothing's going right  
And everything's a mess  
And no one likes to be alone" __–_Avril Lavigne "I'm With You"

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**Location: Horatio Caine's Home**

_Kyle,_

_I'm going to be out for a few hours. I'm not taking my cell phone with me so don't try to call. Lunch is in the fridge. I'll see you when I get home._

_Dad ;)_

Kyle Harmon read the note out loud. He had woken up and found the note stuck onto the refrigerator with a magnet. As much as he was confused as to why Horatio would go out, he smiled at the sight of the smiley face Horatio had put into the note.

But Kyle felt a little sad because he was going to have breakfast and lunch all alone. He usually ate and chat with his Dad. _Well, not today, _he thought. Sighing, he opened up the refrigerator door.

The evening was closing in on Miami, and Horatio still wasn't home. Kyle continued to wait and wait for Horatio to show up.

Kyle never really worried about his Dad much because the guy always had it together. But something was off about him during this month. When questioned, Horatio would give a little lie saying "I'm fine" but Kyle knew he wasn't. He knew his Dad too well.

Kyle sat on the sofa, flipping through the channels. Nothing good was on. Kyle shut the television off with the remote and tossed it aside with another sigh. He looked the clock. 5:12pm. "Where are you, Dad?"

The front door opened up with a squeak. Horatio entered into his beloved home and shut the door behind him. "Kyle?" He called out.

"Dad! You're finally back!" He got off the sofa.

Horatio was in his signature black Hugo Boss suit; with a light ocean blue t-shirt. "Sorry I was away for so long." He apologised.

"No it's okay." Kyle said. "So where've you been, Dad?" He asked.

For that split second, Horatio froze. "Um… just around. Nowhere specific."

"That's it? Around?" Kyle was confused.

"Yeah, that's it. Listen, I'll go make dinner. You want anything specific?" He changed the subject, heading towards the kitchen.

"Uh…" Kyle was still wanted an answer. "Anything's good tonight, Dad. Where exactly were you?"

"I told you, Son." Horatio peered into the fridge. "Around. It's nothing interesting."

"Dad-"

"Kyle, really. I'm not lying. I just drove around Miami and such. It's nothing to worry about." Horatio said, switching on the gas stove. He didn't even turn to face Kyle when he said that.

This worried Kyle even more. Horatio's behaviour was getting even more mysterious. "Dad, your behaviour nowadays is worrying me." He folded his arms across his chest. "Everything about you is a mystery." He walked up to him. "Is something wrong?"

Horatio sighed. Defeated and knowing that his Son is not going to drop this with an answer, he turned to face him. "Okay, Kyle. I wasn't 'driving around Miami'. I was at my brother's grave." He confessed.

Kyle lowered his arms in shock.

"And on my way back, I went to see Marisol too." He turned away to check the contents in the pot on the stove. "Dinner's in 20 minutes, Kyle." He opened up a drawer.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Kyle walked away from the kitchen, even more worried for Horatio. He knew about the people Horatio lost. Kyle didn't ask at all because Eric had explained everything before Kyle could even ask. Tim Speedle; Rachel Turner; Marisol; Raymond. All the people Horatio loved and cared for who have slipped from his grasp and he couldn't save them.

Dinner was a quiet one. Neither the father nor the son spoke a word. Kyle was didn't want to upset Horatio any further, and Horatio was clearly upset. Kyle finished his plate quickly, washed it, and headed for his room, leaving Horatio alone.

Horatio on the other hand seemed distracted. He didn't even notice that Kyle had left until he heard his bedroom door shut. He sighed again, and put his fork down, losing his appetite.

A short time later, he was sitting on a comfort chair, in front of the fireplace. He poured himself another glass of wine. He couldn't help it today. If he were to ever drink, one glass was the limit. But this was one of those times of the year. Losing Marisol and Raymond just 6 weeks apart was too painful for him to take. He remembered going home after Raymond's funeral, leaning against the wall, sliding down onto the floor as his hidden emotions broke free and he cried throughout the night. Knowing he couldn't save them was just too painful. It was eating him up inside.

Horatio continued to stare at the fire, one leg over the other, glass in his hand. He couldn't stop thinking about them. Horatio had placed two pictures next to the wine bottle on a little table on his left; one of Marisol, the other of Raymond.

In one gulp Horatio drank up the wine in the glass and sat in down.

_You've had enough, Horatio. Go to sleep, _his conscience advised. It wasn't any use. He was too broken up to listen to himself.

He then picked up the picture of Raymond. He looked at it. _The only sibling I had, _he thought. _You had to be taken away too, huh?_

Kyle came up from behind Horatio. Seeing the wine glass, and the sight of the wine bottle being half-empty, Kyle was taken aback. "Dad! You drank half a bottle of wine!"

"No shit." He mumbled, still looking at Ray.

Kyle raised his eyebrows. Horatio never swore. The alcohol was getting to him. He saw the two pictures. Sighing heavily, he grabbed the wine bottle and the glass and headed to the kitchen.

"Kyle? What are you doing?" Horatio asked, sounding somewhat a little drunk.

Kyle washed the glass. "You've had enough, Dad. Half a bottle of wine is way too much. Besides, you don't even drink!"

He turned his head sideways. "Kyle, I swear, it was like that when I found it." Now he was starting to babble.

"Dad…" Kyle spoke in that tone where a parent would give their kid, when they were crossing way over the line.

Horatio held up his hands, surrendering, with the picture still in his hand. "Okay! You win!" He put Ray's picture back next to Marisol's, and looked at the fire.

Kyle couldn't blame Horatio for this sudden habit. God knows how long it was going on in the first place. Placing the wine bottle back into the fridge, he walked up to Horatio and sat on another comfort chair, to the left of the little table.

"Dad, I get it. You're hurting. Losing two people within 6 weeks in not right at all. But you know better than to drink your troubles. You were the one who thought me that, remember? So it's _kinda _ironic right now, don't you think?"

Horatio gave a smile, realizing how ironic it _really _is right now. He looked at Kyle. "I know. But you know I'm not that kind of man, right? I'm nothing like my father."

"Your… your father?" Eric didn't really explain about Horatio's father much. In fact, not many people knew about his parents. They only know that his mother had been murdered.

"Yeah, my _father_..." He said it with a spoonful of hatred. "He was an alcoholic, Kyle. Drinking day in, day out. Never showed any love whatsoever towards me, my brother Ray or my mother. If his idea of showing love was hitting us, then he had the damn _wrong_ idea. He mostly hurt my mother. She was the one always protecting us. Whenever it looked like he was going after us, my mom would step in the way, taking the hit for us." He looked at the fireplace again, but not at the fire. Instead on top of the fireplace where there were more pictures.

Kyle got up and picked up a specific picture he knew Horatio was staring at. The picture of his mother.

"It's only picture I've got left." He said, seeing Kyle holding the picture.

"She's pretty." He commented.

He nodded. "Yeah, she is. She was a beautiful, strong and independent woman, you know. Never backs down from anything."

"But then why didn't your father go to jail for all the abuse? He deserved to!" Kyle asked, sitting back down.

"Mom was afraid something would happen to me and Ray. Like I said, all she ever wanted was to protect us. I swore that one day, I'd return the favour. I would take her and Ray away from my father." His little smile slowly faded, and sadness started to show up his face.

"What happened, Dad?"

"He… killed her. Intentionally. I _knew _it was intentional. He was drunk at the time, but believe me, he knew _exactly _what he was doing. Ray and I witnessed it. He told the police that she killed herself. He then threatened us not to say anything or he'll kill us too." He explained, disgusted at himself he had let his father intimidate him.

Kyle couldn't believe what he had just heard. "Dad… I'm so sorry." Reality hit Kyle hard and he realized why Horatio was what he was. "I think I understand now why you're always so protective of me. You didn't want to be anything like your father."

"And I'm not!" He cried out slightly.

Kyle touched his hand. "No, you're not, Dad. You're nothing like your father. You're everything he's not. You're a father!" He grinned broadly. "_My _father."

Horatio looked at him, tears in his baby-blue eyes.

"And I'm damn proud you are." He added. "And… and I won't let you get hurt anymore."

Horatio was a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"All this while, I thought you were tough. That nothing got to you. I was wrong. I realized how much you're hurting inside. I'm not going let that happen anymore, Dad. I'm going to be here always for you now." He promised, holding his hand.

Horatio couldn't help but shed a tear. He then wiped it away. Smiling, he looked at his son. "Thank you, Kyle."

Kyle smiled back, glad to see his father's smile back right where it was supposed to be. "So tell me, did you and Uncle Ray fight a lot when you were kids?"

Horatio gave a short laugh. "You know it. Like you said, we were kids. Naïve, you know. Always playing and laughing. There was once we were playing hide and seek. And I found a really good hiding spot. He took him forever to try to find me. Eventually, he gave up. I came out looking for him and found him watching TV instead."

Kyle laughed as well. "And then what?"

"I asked him how come he didn't try to find me. He said, 'I knew where you were hiding. I just wanted to see how long it took for you to realize I wasn't searching for you anymore.'" Horatio smiled again. "But I knew he was lying. He couldn't admit defeat." He sighed. "But I was always protecting him, you know? Being the big brother and all. Kids didn't really want to bully Ray anymore."

"Wow. You must've done something to prevent that from happening." Kyle said.

"Yeah. Back then, threats _actually_ worked."

They both chuckled. Kyle then picked up the picture of Marisol. He would've loved her. "So, Marisol. Was it love at first sight?"

Horatio chuckled again and blushed. "I don't know, Kyle. I mean, I felt something. I didn't know what it was though."

"Isn't it obvious, Dad? It was love!" Kyle said, as he put the picture down. "So how did you two get together?"

"Well, she wanted to make me dinner."

"Really? What brought that up?"

He explained the backstory: her cancer, the marijuana. Everything. "I managed to clear her name, and she wanted to thank me."

"Wow. And how did that go?" He asked, interested.

He looked down at his hands and thought for a bit. "It was magical." He grinned, looking at her picture. "She looked even more beautiful in candlelight."

"Why do you think she liked you?" He asked.

"You know, I've always asked that myself too." He realized. "Well, she told me that I made her believe."

"In what?"

"In life. The cancer shook her confidence and she wasn't ready to face the world anymore. I made her think about the positive, that it's not too late." His smile became a frown again.

Kyle saw the frown. "Dad."

"She knew the risks yet she wanted to be with me. I loved her even more, Kyle. I would've done _anything_ for her." He lamented, broken.

"I know you would've, Dad." Kyle smiled again. "I know you would."

Horatio looked at Kyle's hand holding his. "You know, after losing her and Ray, I thought I didn't have anyone left." He looked up at Kyle. "That's when you came in."

Kyle remembered the day he met the Lieutenant; how dismissive he was towards him. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you back then, Dad."

"No, no. You don't have to apologise. I was just… so happy that I had a son, you know? I've always wanted to be a father. Be something my father never was. I hope I've made you proud of _me,_ Kyle. I know I'm not the greatest father in the world, but I try. I try just for you, Kyle." Tears rolled down his fair cheeks again. "Don't remember me this way. I'm never like this."

Kyle got up and knelt beside his chair. "Dad, I've _always _been proud of you. You're an awesome CSI. I'm really proud to tell people that Lieutenant Caine is my Dad! You've helped so many people, Dad. Now it's my turn. Let me help you. I owe you my life."

Horatio looked at him, as one more tear rolled down. This time, it was a tear of joy.

Kyle took his father's hand and helped him up to his feet. "You're a total mess, Dad. Time for you to get some rest." He threw Horatio's arm over his neck. "Sorry, I won't be able to help you with the hangover you get tomorrow morning." He joked.

"Aw, to hell with that. I'll worry about it tomorrow!" He babbled.

Kyle couldn't help but chuckled. He never knew Horatio could be so ridiculous in a semi-drunken state. He helped Horatio to his bedroom, and helped him sit up on the bed.

"I'm good, Kyle. You can get some rest to." He smiled weakly.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dad. I'm going to stay right here. I'm going to be right here with you." Kyle grinned, before giving his Dad a comforting hug.

All this time, Kyle was the one who felt safe being in his father's arms. But right now, in this lonely night, Horatio was the one feeling safe. Horatio kept reopening old scars over and over again and he had no one to hold _him._ Those scars may never heal, but with Kyle staying by Horatio and holding on to his hand, he was sure that his father was on the road to recovery, with a smile on his face. ;)

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"_Take me by the hand  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I'm, I'm with you, oh  
I'm with you  
I'm with you" :)_

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I'm SO scared right now! This is all made at the top of my head. I so badly wanted to finish it, that's why! XD Please review! :D


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